The Thomas Guide

1. Sneak out of the house
2. Find out where he is being held
3. Take him somewhere safe and quiet
4. Break his fucking heart

Should I feel bad about this? My sister said it is concerning that I even have to ask that question but really I feel nothing. I know from movies and television that this is supposed to be a horribly difficult thing. But in reality, I find myself with a certain lack of emotion. 

Thomas had always been kind and a gentleman, although I will say that he was painfully boring at times and quiet to the point there were times on dates that I would forget he was there. My friends had jokingly accused me of freeing myself up for the more politically available men. And I know it was jokingly but something about it still stung like an insult. Far from their intention I know but I always told myself that I would not be the type of woman to leave one man for another. Not to mention Thomas is not exactly responsible for his family’s political beliefs.

I think the very fact that I am going out of my way to break up with Thomas in person would show how caring and compassionate I am. So take that, Bitches! Now onto step one. 

Step 1:

“Rebecca!” I could hear my dad calling me from downstairs. 

I exited my room towards our double staircase. I looked over the railing and I saw my dad with a number of his friends and their families – more specifically their young sons… Now I know why my mother was adamant about Sarah and I looking ‘pretty’ today. 

“Rebecca, your mom has been calling for you.”

I hurried to the back patio and saw my mother and Sarah preparing hors d’oeuvres. I rolled my eyes and said quietly as I passed behind Sarah. “Does she really expect us to wait on these people?”

Our mother had us. 

She said in her mannish voice, “The people in charge, you mean?”

“At least they are cute.” 

She rolled her eyes at me.

“By the way, I need your help with something.”

“What is it this time?”

“I need to sneak out.”

“We are having a party tonight.”

“I know. I need to see Thomas though.”

“He is a political prisoner! You were just talking about how there were going to be cute guys here tonight.”

“I’m going there to break up with him.”

“Wow… you are disgusting.”

“I’m doing this to not be disgusting. Look, I even have a plan! I’ll pretend to get really sick and run upstairs. You tell mom I’m vomiting and don’t want to be seen by any of the guys. That gets her off our backs, and dad couldn’t care less about setting me up.”

“I’m not helping you with this. Too many times I have covered for you to see Thomas, now this?”

Fine. I don’t need her. I don’t need anyone’s help. Ever. 

It was dark by 8:00 that night. I knew I had to get this through quickly to be back in time. I spotted boy number one and casually stood next to him to get a drink. 

“That’s a tall glass you are pouring yourself,” he remarked. 

“It’s only punch.” 

“That should keep you satisfied for a while.”

“I see what you are getting at… and maybe… but I need a favor. I need to step out.”

“Favor? I don’t even know your name yet.”

I fight off the urge to gag and respond, “I don’t know yours either.”

“Fernando.”

“Rebecca. Now that favor? People will ask where I’ve gone and you say I just really really needed to go to the restroom.”

“I can do that.”

“Perfect.”

I stepped away and as soon as I could tell he wasn’t looking I found boy number two. I didn’t want to waste my time. “Hi, I’m Rebecca,” I greeted with an outstretched hand. 

He shook my hand saying, “Oliver.”

“Oliver. Oli, I need a big favor. I’m going to go to the restroom and then step out someplace private for a big phone call. Do you mind letting my dad know if he asks? He is very protective and I just don’t want him to worry.”

Easy enough. And now boy number three, Gus. The only one here I actually know. He was the quiet kid in class and it was always unclear to me but I think he was friends with Thomas. “Gus!” I greeted him with excitement and gave him a big hug. I could tell he was confused and he awkwardly patted me on the back. “Gus, I need a favor.”

“Hi, Rebecca, what’s the favor?”

“Oh Gus it’s a really awkward situation but I am going to go to the restroom and then take a phone call, but I really want to be alone for a while. After all that, I am going to take a walk around the neighborhood to clear my head and have my phone on Do Not Disturb. Give me your number so I can pick up your call when people are freaking out.”

“Why would they be freaking out?”

“My dad worries a lot.”

He looked at me with suspicion. “Do you know where they have them?”

“What?”

“Thomas and all the other Marians.”

“I…”

“The gym. They have them at the gym.”

“You should go quick.”

I looked at him with disbelief. 

“Go! Tell Thomas… tell him I’m sorry.”

Step 2:

See end of Step 1.

Step 3:

The school wasn’t that far away. Just a few months ago I thought I was saying goodbye to this place forever. It was an exciting day in February when my dad came home from work and said we didn’t have to finish the semester and had my high school diploma under his arm. I was really starting to become nervous about my semester grades, so I welcomed the news entirely. 

I walked to the far side by the entrance to the gym. There I saw Anthony. I personally consider him much luckier than me when it comes to this. He had god awful grades and was widely known as the school dealer. He now served as a guard for the Sullists. I approached quietly and gave an unintentionally loud “PSSST!” 

He spotted me behind the car that had been parked in the same spot for all of high school. He lowered his rifle.

“Anthony, it’s me, Rebecca.” I walked towards him.

“What the hell are you doing here?!”

“Cool your shit. I just need five minutes. I need to talk to someone.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

Of course you can. Just open the door you idiot! “Please Anthony,” I started to fake cry. “I’ll give you all the money I have, I just need to see him.”

“Rebecca…”

I stepped in close to him and put my hand on his chest and my head on his arm. “Please…”

Anthony looked around and said, “You can talk. Just for a minute. You better not be taking him out.”

“I would never risk my family’s lives for this.”

“Okay…”

The tricks I’ve learned.

Anthony opened the door to the gym and I saw hundreds in chains. Everyone was dirty and it looked like no one had been fed in quite some time. I spotted Thomas instantly. His curly bright blonde hair was now a dirty blonde and I could see matting like an ungroomed dog. I smiled, unnecessary but polite. “Thomas.”

He looked at me, but he didn’t smile. I wondered if this place had already broken him. He waddled up in his chains toward me. 

Anthony, sounding like an authority figure for once, “You got five minutes.”

I took Thomas’s hand and led him outside the door. He twitched in pain. I spotted the wire connecting his chains to one of four large poles in the middle of the room. But it gave him enough space that he could follow me to the side of the building.

Step 4:

“Babe,” he always called me, “what are you doing here?”

“Thomas…”

“I don’t get it. I thought we were done.”

“Thomas, I- wait what?”

“Our families are opposite sides, we can’t be together.”

“Oh, no it was. Wait a second, let me start over.”

“No, no starting over. Get the fuck out of here.”

“No. Okay, first off I told you to never cuss at me.”

“Who gives a fuck?!”

“Um, I do! I don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

Thomas scoffed and took a step back. “You are all the same. You elitist Sullist. Just like your entire family. Get out of here already, we are done.”

When he said the word ‘family’ it stung. “You keep my family out of this.” That wasn’t enough. I slapped his arm once, then twice more. “You keep my family out of your filthy fucking mouth.”

“Yeah, ok, see. I am glad this happened. Your family is backing a tyrant. A tyrant! It makes sense. You are a tyrant too. A hypocrite. I know you want to think that you are some saint and am this sinner that was your little project. Gus always heard how you talked about me. I deserve far better than you.”

“Deserve better than me? Look at where I am and look at where you are.”

The emotion drained out of his face. “Yeah… I see where I am. I know that if you wanted you could probably save me but I don’t want that. I would rather be in there with them then out here with you. Those beautiful, kind people.”

“Beautiful? Have you seen them?” I wanted to mention the boys from the party but I bit my tongue.

“More beautiful than you.”

“Yeah, okay then. Go back inside and date one of those dirty Marians inside.”

He looked confused at first. “I am not leaving you for someone else, Rebecca. I am just leaving you.” Thomas took two good steps back. He looked at me for a moment then went inside. 

I felt an anvil fall on my chest. I tried lifting it off but I could not touch it. My hands passed pointlessly through this hellishly ethereal weight crushing, squishing, killing my heart.

I followed him. By the time I looked in, he was already mixed in the huddled masses. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to cuss at him. I wanted to shout his name. I wanted him… I felt the tears swell and I turned away as quickly as I could, losing balance and almost falling. I stormed outside and ignored the shouts by Anthony. 

I got home and everyone was looking for me as I expected. I ignored the lectures of my father. I didn’t look at my mother as she tried to scold me. I stonewalled Sarah who at first tried to make jokes but then grew concerned. I didn’t speak until…

The Thomas Guide (REVISED)

1. Find a way to see him.
2. Make sure we are alone.
3. Get him to fall in love with me again.
4. Reluctantly take him back.
5. Break his fucking heart.
6. Watch him be executed.